What wedding etiquette trends did you follow for your wedding day? Or what traditional etiquette rules do you plan on following? Let’s face it, it’s 2024. Throughout our time in the industry, we’ve seen wedding trends and etiquette come and go. Many couples are choosing to create unique, individualized experiences that stray away from what we think is typical or traditional. Weddings that we used to attend as children sure look a lot different than weddings that we flock to now. But, there are still many couples that opt for more of a traditional affair with these etiquettes in place. There are some aspects to weddings that many consider classic or respectful to one's culture, traditions, and family history. At the end of the day, no matter what route you choose to follow, every wedding is fit to the needs of the couple, which is really what matters. So, let’s explore some of the classic traditional wedding etiquette, but remember — just because it’s traditional etiquette doesn’t mean you have to fit the mold.
#01: Be on Time
Arriving on time for the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception is vital. Now, not just for your guests, but for the wedding party and YOU. Everyone understands that hiccups and the occasional mishaps happen prior to walking down the aisle. But you want to stay on your timeline and ensure that you are not arriving late. Of course, your guests don’t mind waiting a few minutes, but when they are waiting in the hot sun for over a half hour for you to make your appearance, there are going to be some unhappy campers. Timing also impacts your vendors. Vendors work diligently to create your perfect day, therefore timeliness is important and a sign of respect. You want to respect your vendors’ time as well. So, work on sticking to your timeline (to the best of your ability) because, ultimately the timeline affects everyone.
#02: Let your Guests be Guests
Weddings are a celebration of your love with your family and friends. It is a time for your guests to enjoy the experience with you – that means that you and your partner are the hosts of your guests. It is your role to not only host the wedding but to essentially take “care” of your guests. This includes ensuring accommodations for all guests are met throughout the night, including food AND drinks. Traditionally cash bars are a no-no. You don’t want your guests to have to pay for anything the night of your event. Traditionally it is frowned upon for your guests to pay for their own beverages. If you are able to budget for simple drinks, such as beer and wine, with easy non-alcoholic beverages, go that route. You don’t need to supply the whole liquor store to be a good guest. Plus, limiting your wedding alcohol selection means that guests won’t get too rowdy throughout your celebration. So, if you can – create the best experience – and free that is – for your guests to participate in. Let them enjoy and celebrate you, you are the hosts of your wedding day!
#03: Keep Things Moving
Okay, think about your worst wedding experience. Most of my worst wedding experiences tie into our #01 etiquette rule, about not having people wait, but this also means don’t wait for guests to be fed and for the party to start. Personally, I’ve been to a few weddings where there is a big gap of time between the ceremony and cocktail hour, or even the cocktail hour and the reception. If you are choosing to use the same venue for each aspect of your wedding, don’t make your guests wait and keep things moving. You definitely don’t want to keep your guests waiting, foodless, or for hours on end while you and your partner take your newlywed photos. As you plan your timeline, remember to be swift and minimize the time between each function for the wedding day. You don’t want your guests to be bored, or to be hangry. Avoid any long breaks that you can avoid.
#04: Don’t Get Too Creative with Seating Charts
Oh– the dreaded seating charts. When it comes down to making seating charts you always want to think carefully about how you are seating your guests. But there are a few rules of thumb for etiquette when planning your seating chart. First, don’t isolate your guests. This includes not creating tables of single-only guests, or putting all the people who don’t know each other together. When planning your seating chart, you want to think about how you can group your guests for positive conversations and friendships to spark. Think about similar interests, who may work together, or who may have similar hobbies or likes. Whatever you do, don’t isolate anyone, and don’t make a whole table feel like wedding outcasts.
#05: Don’t Forget to Say Thank You!
Be gracious. Be absolutely gracious and say thank you to your guests. Your guests have traveled far and wide to be a part of your wedding day and many have included gifts, if you opted for that option. At some point in the evening, you need to make a point to thank each individual person, whether through a formal receiving line, visiting each table to give hugs and say thank you, or a thank you speech during your toasts. Showing gratitude is important, especially as the host. And of course, remember to send out your thank you cards in a timely manner. There are many rules of thumb regarding thank you cards, some say it’s best to send a thank you card within 6 weeks of your wedding day. Others may say, to send the thank you card before you use the item. But – ALWAYS send a thank you card. Don’t let the gifts and cards pile up and be forgotten. Create a spreadsheet and a running record of who sent what. Check it off the list when you’ve mailed the card. But tradition says, to mind your manners and be a gracious host - which of course includes those thank yous.
Whether you’re opting for a traditional affair or a wedding with unique touches, you can choose what wedding etiquette you want to include on your wedding day. At the end of the day what is considered traditional wedding etiquette is just a fancy way of saying don’t forget your manners on your big day. Be gracious to your guests, don’t forget to say thank you, be thoughtful when planning the overall experience including time frames, seating arrangements, and letting your guests truly enjoy your event. Whether you include these traditional planning elements is up to you, but whatever you choose, keep your wedding party, guests, and yourselves in mind.
Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.