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Every family has different family dynamics and just like the old phrase sometimes, you can’t live with 'em’ but you can’t live without them. Chances are if you’re reading this, you may have similar feelings. Or you may just want to prepare yourselves and others for this large upcoming event that you have. Just know you aren’t alone. When it comes to planning any event, no matter what the size, emotions can be at a high and dynamics can be hard to navigate at times. We can’t promise that this blog will be about how to eliminate all negative feelings or difficult situations to navigate, but what we can do is help you handle these situations with grace.
Before the wedding day, there’s already a lot of opinions rolling in. From locations, to where to have the wedding if your family is in a variety of states. For some reason, during this time, families may feel the want to express all the opinions, fears, and hopes that they have for you and your partner during this time. The best way to start this process is to adjust your perspective and remember that this is your wedding day. This is your day, with your partner, where you celebrate your love for each other. This simple perspective will guide you through these difficult decisions. Now, we’re not saying to ignore your family’s advice or opinions, but you are not obligated to accept and follow their opinions. Take it with a grain of salt, these are all just suggestions. You can discuss these suggestions with your partner and go from there and remember that their support has good intentions.
Remember your WHY
Your why is your guiding force when planning your wedding and will ultimately help you with all of the choices you will make. As you begin, or even if you’re already on your wedding journey, your partner is your best resource. As this journey may be a difficult time, especially if there are difficult family dynamics, lean on your partner, envision the big picture, and remember that as tensions begin to rise, set boundaries, and focus on the purpose of walking down the aisle. Know that it is okay to walk away if needed, to take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts and focus on your vision and priorities.
Recognize Potential Sources of Conflict
Although you may not be able to pin point each rising conflict or moments of high emotions leading up to your wedding day, there may be some precipitating factors that you can predict and work on handling prior to the climax. Sit with your partner and discuss situations or a list of reasons that may cause tension or conflict to arise. It could be that your Aunt Betty doesn’t get along with her ex, so it may be best to seat them across the room from each other. Or, even if you know that your future mother-in law has the best intentions, but you don’t want a closed door during your moments to get ready – set those boundaries. Having a general idea of conflicts that may arise on your day, can help you figure out a plan to handle these prior to when they arise. Use your wedding party, lean on your partner, to give those gentle nudges to set your boundaries before things spiral out of control. Have crucial conversations with these key players prior to your wedding days and explain your boundaries and remind them of your way.
Handle ALL Financial Contributions with Care
This can be the trickiest part of wedding planning can be the inflow of financial contributions. First and foremost, it is vital that you are thankful to those who are contributing to your wedding financially. Traditions have changed and long gone are the days where expectations of fully funded weddings. Discuss with your partner on how to handle these financial contributions. Are there specific portions of the budget to apply these contributions. For instance, can some pay for your wedding attire? You can include these key people in moments such as this, that give them the pleasure of being apart of the wedding decisions without being the sole decision maker. Ensure that you thank the financial contributors in person and formally through written correspondence. Be mindful and prepared that some individuals who contribute may think that they have the right to make decisions on your wedding day due to their contributions. Set those boundaries and remain firm that you are appreciative, but you plan on using the monetary contributions to fulfill your wedding vision.
Plan Thoughtfully
Managing family dynamics and relationships can include support your family members that may be divorced, estranged, or simply don’t get along. Plan thoughtfully to navigate these tensions, so nothing arises on your wedding day. Create seating arrangements that seat parents and partners separately, but are comfortable. If they are able to be seated together – awesome, but if you think tensions would arise, create two separate tables to allow space. Talk with your photographer to plan family photo sessions and how to navigate these family situations. Create a list prior of all the family photos you’d like your photographer to capture and communicate in advance with your family members. Last, you’ll want to set roles for each person and throughout the wedding ceremony and reception. Communicate with your family about special dances, toasts or speeches, and other moments. You want everyone to feel and be included, equitably, especially if there are estranged relationships in your family.
Assign a Point of Contact
Regardless if there is family conflict, you want to appoint someone close to you, such as a bridesmaid, groomsmen, wedding coordinator etc., (anyone but you and your partner), to handle any issues that may arise on your wedding day. You will want to ensure this person is a fluid communicator and handles stress well, is reliable, and can have these crucial conversations and find a solution discreetly, and effectively, so you and your partner can focus on enjoying your wedding day. In all honesty, the best person to handle these situations are your wedding planner or day of coordinators. I cannot tell you how many situations we’ve handled discreetly behind the scenes, but that is all a part of what we do on the day of. We work hard to handle all situations that arise with grace.
We can’t promise you that if you follow all of these steps that no problems will arise during the wedding planning process or on the day of. But, what we can assure you with, is that if you follow these steps, you will have a plan for handling situations when and if they do arise. Lean on your partner and remember the end goal of your wedding day. Communicate with key players in your wedding, especially if they are contributing financially. Select a key person that can be there to support you, delegate, and handle situations with grace. The more you prepare on the back in, the more you will be ready to handle any situations that may come your way.
Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 19 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.