There are definitely mixed reviews on writing your own vows. We see a mix of couples who prefer to stick to more traditional nuptials or tailor their own vows. But, let’s face it… personal vows are not everyone’s cup of tea. For some, it’s too personal, or couples may experience writers block. When we think about what makes a wedding, a wedding, it is the ceremony. And if we take it a step further, it is your vows and the words that are exchanged that really seal the deal and make it a wedding. Yes, the catering, food, decor, and cake are all a reason to celebrate, but without your vows – you can’t be married!

How do you decide if you go with personal vows, or opt for something more traditional? We always tell our clients that it depends on your level of comfort and what you prefer. Afterall, this is your wedding day!

If you’re leaning towards writing your own vows, ask yourself how you feel like writing. Writing your own vows is a personal experience. Some couples write about anecdotes, or their favorite memories. Other couples choose to keep it short and sweet. If you’re more of a creative soul, writing your own vows may be a perfect option for you. It’s a way to express your own words and thoughts and you can create an intimate vibe. Sometimes, traditional vows can seem cold. Writing your own vows are the perfect way to express your creative side, while expressing your love to your soon to be spouse! You don’t have to write a novel, or be an A+ writer. You just have to express your feelings, and well – follow the writing process. 

Getting through your writers block is one hurdle. But, if you’re seriously considering writing your own vows, you have to be vulnerable to read your words, out loud to your guests. If you are not a public speaker, or you don’t like reading your words aloud, writing your own vows may not be for you. Writing is one thing, but reading your writing can be a whole new element for many. If you feel leary about reading your raw emotions out loud, you may want to opt for traditional, or non-traditional pre-written vows for your ceremony. You can always personalize pre-written vows to make it fit you and your “wants” for your vows. At the end of the day, you want to ensure that you are comfortable with reading whatever vows you choose in front of an audience. And folks, practice makes perfect!

Ultimately, writing your own vows takes time. If you’re planning your wedding, working full time, or even taking care of little ones – be realistic on what you can accomplish. You definitely want to make sure that your vows have ample time to develop, edit and revise. Not many people can write eloquent things on the fly (or prove us wrong). So, you’ll want to dedicate time prior to the wedding day to block out your ideas on what you want to say then edit, edit, edit! You definitely DO NOT want to cram in a last minute writing session. We’re not back in finals week during college folks! Avoid backing yourself into a last minute situation. If you want to write your own vows, be sure to have some back ups just incase time isn’t your friend. 

Unfortunately, writing your vows has to be an agreement between you and your partner. It doesn’t look or sound cohesive if one partner writes their own vows and the other chooses to go the traditional route. So before you take the plunge writing your masterpiece, talk to your partner and make the decision together. If one wants to write vows, the other must too. This is one piece of the wedding where both parties have to make the same decision. If one is hesitate, choose pre-written vows and add some of your own sparkle. Revise and add some of your own personal touches. If you’re writing your own vows, check your time limits during practice. You don’t want one to be 5 minutes, while the other is 30 seconds. In addition, compromise on the vibe you want to create. Will your vows be light hearted? Will they be comical or full of memories? Whatever you choose, don’t embarrass or share intimate details about your partner that would make them feel uncomfortable. You may need to allow a friend, or a member of the wedding party to give your vows the stamp of approval. 

If you choose to write your own vows, talk to your partner about it first. Remember that this is something you both must be in agreement on. One can’t write their vows and the other use traditional vows. You must both be on the same page and in sync. When writing your vows, stick to the same time limit and theme. Ensure that you don’t share too much intimate or delicate information from your relationship and that whatever you write you feel comfortable reading to family, friends, and even some strangers. Give yourself ample time to write, edit, and revise… absolutely do not wait until the morning to write your vows! Most importantly, add your creative sparkle and make it from the heart. Your partner will love and cherish these vows – so make it your own! 

Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Seattle Wedding Planner with over 18 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.