Typically, when we get a wedding invite in the mail, we RSVP, find some nice attire, and get ready to party the night away. But, did you know that there is more to attending a wedding than just showing up? There are unwritten rules, or better known as wedding guest etiquette. Such as, knowing how many people to RSVP for, should you bring a date, and of course – what about a gift? Today we will explore the do’s and don’ts as a wedding guest and discuss proper etiquette. Let us help you be the best wedding guest that you can be! 

We’ve all received a wedding invite in the mail, and filed it in the wrong mail pile. Raise your hand if you’re guilty too. Or, we’ve even told ourselves, “I’ll get to it another day.” Your first task as a wedding guest is to fill out your RSVP form properly and submit it ASAP. RSVP forms can come in various forms, such as scanning a QR code or mailing back a card.

Read the card a few times and verbatim.

Be sure to look at how many guests are invited to your party. Sometimes, the happy couple will mark exactly how many guests can attend and who can attend. Read the RSVP form thoroughly. And if you’re not sure, reach out to the couple. Or ask yourself, do I need to bring someone? Remember that the couple has carefully crafted their day and have paid for every person attending. It’s better to be sure than bring someone that is not counted for. And as for the day of, do not bring anyone that is not a planned attendee. If you’re going to rain check last minute, let the couple know as soon as you can for courtesy. 

Often, with the save the date or wedding invite, a couple may include their wedding website. Ensure that you take time to explore their wedding website. Their website will have pertinent information that you will need for the wedding day. Wedding websites can often contain travel accommodations, information on hotel codes or blocks, and even their registry. Before you ask the couple any questions regarding their wedding, take a peek at their wedding website to see if the answer can be found there. Think of the wedding website as a resource for the wedding guests. You will most likely find exactly what you need on their website. 

Oh, the wedding gift! You are a guest on a very special day, meant to celebrate the union of two people you know. Weddings take ample preparation, planning, and can be costly. As a wedding guest, everything you consume is paid for by the wedding couple. When you consider a gift, do look at their wedding website to find a wedding registry.

Work to stick to the registry. Couples work hard on planning their registry to get items that they need or must have. If you chose items off the registry, couples are less likely to return or receive doubles of items. Additionally, honeymoon funds are a new alternative to a wedding registry. Honeymoon fund allows the couple to select different activities to do on their honeymoon. A lot of couples use sites like Honeyfund to help fulfill their needs. Unsure what to get the couple? Opt for a gift card, such as Target or Amazon. Gift cards allow the couple freedom to grab items that they need. No time for a gift card? Write a check or give some cash in a card. Couples always appreciate any gift, gift card, or cash they receive. Whatever you do, be sure to attach a card or note to your gift, because folks - a thank you card from the newlyweds is a must! 

Many weddings have themes or specific dress codes. Utilize the wedding website and read the formal invitation for exact information on the dress code. Often, it will say cocktail attire, formal, semi-formal, or even black tie. As you consider what to wear, think about the nature of the vent.

For example, if it is a summer wedding, at 2PM, with an outdoor ceremony; you will want to wear a dress and something that will keep you cool. Floral patterns or bright colors would be appropriate for a summer affair. But, if you’re attending a cocktail hour wedding, with a ceremony in a church, you will want to dress appropriately for both affairs. Always adhere to the suggested dress code and if you’re not sure, avoid anything that is white or that would bring controversy to the day. Remember, this is the couple’s day to shine, not yours. 

Be on time to the wedding ceremony. Read the wedding invite and plan accordingly. Look into travel time and map your drive. An app we love is Waze. Waze allows you to plan your drive ahead and incorporates potential traffic. Keep in mind that travel time does not factor in parking. If the wedding is in the city, look at options for parking. Plan on arriving at least 20-30 minutes in advance. Arriving early allows you to look at the venue and ceremony space and find a seat without being a distraction. If you’ve arrived after the ceremony, we understand that it happens. Accidents happen, or maybe you had to stop for that last minute gift. If you are late to the ceremony, find a seat near the door you entered. If the ceremony music has just begun, wait for the bride to walk down the aisle and then find a seat. Whatever you do, remember the focus is on the lovely couple. If you’re late, and we mean mid-ceremony late, see if you can peek in from the back, slip in without anyone noticing. 

Most importantly, if you plan on attending, attend both the ceremony and reception and be present. Leave your work at home and respect the couple’s wishes on photography. Don’t post any pictures before the bride and groom have a chance to and limit your technology usage on the big day. Our biggest take-away is to read the invite and re-read the invite again prior to the wedding. Dress accordingly, plan for the unknown, bring a gift or card, and be present for the wedding day. Enjoy yourself and spend time in the moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime day for your family and/or friends! 

Lori Losee is the owner of Elegant Affairs, a Tacoma Wedding Planner with over 17 years of experience. We create awe-inspiring experiences—Events filled with meaning and refined elegance. Behind the scenes, our experienced team collaborates on each stage of the process, executing your vision and a wedding, celebration, or corporate event that is unique to you.